Come here and make me feel like a woman.
Come on, give me a nice white liquor, kid.
All right, gotcha. Now get out from behind them.
You're ruining the painting. You're ruining my job.
It's all right. It's already flat.
Hey, Mikey. Mikey, what?
What is all this neat stuff?
The museum did some kind of... Where'd you get this?
Right there. They did a show. It was a retro pack-em.
That's what I said. You always contradict me.
I was right. I knew it.
It was about the [?] of Astoria.
And these are the rejects.
Kind of like us, like the Goonies.
I'm not a reject.
Take that stuff off. You can get me in trouble.
Whoa. You know how this looks?
What?
What is the name?
You put one finger in your mouth.
When you drop something, put it back up.
What's this?
I hate this.
Hey, I'm not even touching.
I know you didn't touch it. Get over here!
Don't touch it!
All right. Hold this!
Chuck!
I won't touch it!
I know you didn't touch it!
Get over here!
Don't touch it, Chuck!
Uh...
Hold this!
Why me, Mike?
Mike, thanks for taking this up.
There's a real big ball, you know, and it's got this big thing...
What are you doing?
Hey, Mike found a map!
Hey, look, look, look, that says 1632.
Is that a year or something?
No, it's your top square on pole position.
Yes, it's a year, Chuck.
Look, it's a map of our coastline.
What's all that Spanish junk right there?
Uh, who knows?
The mouth you said you could [?].
Translate, right here.
Yeah, translate it.
Ye intruders beware,
crushing death and grief,
soaked with blood
of the trespassing thief.
You guys, this map is old news.
Everybody and their [?] went looking for that.
When our parents were our age, I mean, I mean...
Haven't you ever heard of that guy?
What's his name?
The pirate guy.
One-eyed Willie.
One-eyed Willie.
One-eyed Willie.
Yeah, he was the most famous pirate in his time.
My dad told me all about him once.
It'll do anything to get you to go to [?].
No.
See, one-eyed Willie stole treasure once.
Why?
It was full of rubies and emeralds and diamonds.
Diamonds.
And he loaded it all up onto his ship,
and they sailed away into the sunset
until the British king, see, he found out about it,
and then he set up this whole armada to go out after him.
And then the armada, it took him a couple weeks,
but then they caught up with Willie,
and then there was a whole big war between the armada
and Willie's ship, the Inferno,
and during the firefight, there was just guns bursting here
and cannons bursting there,
and then Willie fled, because he didn't want to stay around,
because he knew he'd get killed if he stayed around,
and then he got into this cave,
and then the British, they blew up the [?] all around him,
and he got caved in, and he's been there ever since.
Forever?
Forever.
And ever?
Trapped.
Wow.
You sound just as corny as dad does.
My dad tells me the truth.
You know what he said?
What?
He told me that one-eyed Willie and his bunch
were down there for five, six years,
and they were digging all these [?] and caves
and setting booty traps.
Booby traps?
That's what I said, setting booby traps
so that anybody that tried to get in there would die.
And then you know what he did? He killed all of his men.
Why?
Why'd he kill all of them?
Well, because he didn't want them to get to his treasure.
Yeah, wait a minute, Mikey.
But if he killed all his men,
how did the map or the story get out?
See, I [?] my dad the same question,
and he said one of the guys must have gotten out
with the map and the...
Hey, Mike, I believe you.
Yeah, well, I don't believe you.
I don't believe you at all.
I think you're cool.
I'm talking about you.
I think you're...
Chunk.
I can break this time, Chunk.
Hey, you guys!
Look at this.
Hey, you guys ever heard of this guy? Look.
Chester Copperpot.
Chester Copperpot.
Look at this.
Chester Copperpot.
Missing while in pursuit of [?] legend.
Reclusive scavenger claims,
I have the key to one-eyed Willie.
Wow, you guys realize what we could do?
Nobody ever found nothing, you guys.
I mean, why do you think this map would be up here in this attic
when it could be in some safety deposit box somewhere, right?
That's right.
And anyway, if Chester Copperpot didn't find it,
how would we find it?
But what if?
You guys, just what if this map could lead to one-eyed Willie's rich stuff?
Maybe.
Then we wouldn't have to leave the goondocks.
Come on, man.
I don't want to leave.
Hey, Mike, I don't want to go on any more of your crazy goony adventure.
Guys!
Lingo!
Come on, Lingo!
You don't want to do this?
Yes!
Holy crap!
Poff only sanitizer because I després muses catch it to each other.
How does it feel?
Number 1?