Buddy. Why do you keep getting stuck like this?

I thought I could get out this time.

I'm just gonna say it. He [?] to be checked by a specialist.

Ow! There. Be free.

Excalibur. [Chuckles]

I'm having a friend over today. Who?

Uh, you don't know him. Him? Him?

Ooh, a boy. You gonna [?] him?

- Shut up. - [Phil] Easy. Easy.

Yeah, shut up! No, you shut up!

- Luke, Alex, why don't you take it [?], okay? - And do what?

Fight in the sun. It'll be a nice change. Haley.

[Phil] I'm kidding. Who's the boy?

His name is Dylan.

I might as well tell him not to come...

because you guys are just going to embarrass me again.

Sweetie, hang on a second.

You're 15, and it's the first time you've had a boy over.

I'm bound to be a [?] surprised, but I'm not gonna embarrass you.

- I better charge the camcorder. - [Cries Out]

I'm kidding. Come on. Who are you talking to?

I'm the [?] dad. That's- That's my thing.

I'm hip. I- I surf the Web.

I text. "LOL"- Laugh out loud. "OMG"- Oh, my God.

"WTF"- Why the face?

Um, you know, I know all the dances to High School Musical, so-

[With Recording] ♪ We're all in this together ♪

♪ Yes, we are ♪

♪ We're all stars Something, something you know it ♪♪

[Alex] Mom! Dad! [Claire] What happened?

Luke just shot me! I didn't mean to.

Are you okay? No.

- The little bitch shot me. - [Chuckles]

- Language! - They're [?] plastic BBs. It was an accident.

What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun?

Deal with this. Buddy, uncool.

That's it? That's- No, no, no, no.

The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.

We were [?] about that? Yes, we were.

And now you have to follow through.

- [Crying] I'm so sorry. - Liar.

Go. He's got a birthday party.

- What's more important here, Dad? - You can shoot him afterwards.

He'll be home at 2:00. I can't shoot him at 2:00. I'm showing a house at 2:00.

- What about 3:00? - No, he's got a soccer game at 3:00.

And then- Oh, we gotta leave for that dinner thing at 5:00.

4:15. You could shoot him at 4:15.

Yeah, I [?] that works for me. Oh!

"Shoot Luke." Sorry, dude. It's on the calendar.

Oh, come on!

I'm quitting soccer. It is a game for children.

No, you're not quitting.

You would have [?] that goal if you weren't staring at that little girl.

She is not a girl. She's a woman.

You know, Gloria, that little blowup with that other mom-

Why do you have to do things like that?

If somebody says something about my family, I'm going to- I'm just saying.

You could take it down here a little bit. That's all.

Oh, yeah. 'Cause that's [?] you live, down here.

But I live up here! Yeah, but you don't have to be so emotional all the time.

That's all I'm saying. Manny, you're with me on this, right?

I wanna tell Brenda Feldman I love her. Oh, for God sakes.

Manny, she's 16. Oh. It's okay for you to take an [?] lover?

Hey, watch it. I wanna go to the mall where she works.

But first I need to get my white shirt, the silk one.

Okay. If that's what you really want to do. Seriously.

Not to be the evil stepdad, but if you put on a puffy [?] shirt...

and declare your love for a 16-year-old,

you're gonna be swinging from the flagpole in your puffy white underpants.

Stop the car. Oh, where are you going?

[Car Horn Honking]

See? You hurt his feelings. Ah- Well, if it toughens him up a little bit then-

Oh, geez. He's picking flowers.

Manny's very passionate, just [?] his father.

My first husband- he's very handsome, but too crazy.

It seemed like all we did was fight and make love, fight and make love, fight and make love.

One time, I'm not kidding you, we fell out the window together.

[Laughing] Which- Which [?] were you doing?

[Chuckles]

I'm hearing this for the first time.